5 Lies we believe in a Christian marriage (the remix)

I was tremendously blessed to write an article for Start Marriage Right Online Magazine. This is the first article that I wrote for them and my first time being published. It was edited for space and wanted to share the original here in my own words. Thanks to them for the opportunity and thanks to you the reader. Hope you get something out of it and please share as much as possible. Thanks. So without further ado here are…

5 Lies we believe in a Christian Marriage

Until I got married I didn’t even know it was possible to chew bubble gum arrogantly. I had it in my mind what marriage was going to be like. I still was not prepared. I always wished that the perfect marriage was on sale on Amazon. Then I could just one-click buy it. After reading the reviews of course. But even those are a lie. Like marital advice those reviews are all over the place. A few examples:

“5 stars. This is the best thing I have ever purchased in my entire life. Customer service rep was like family. Delivery time was 16 minutes. Condition is perfect, and it lasted me 20 years”

“1 star. Ordered a bed frame and got a pack of plastic knives instead. Customer service told me to go screw myself. Delivery lasted 7 years. Caused my divorce. Lost my house. I am now going to jail”

“1 star. Product was correct. Worked properly. Seller included extra attachments for product. WAS NOT DELIVERED WITHIN TWO DAYS, WOULD GIVE 0 STARS IF POSSIBLE”

Marriage is not easy. It does not come delivered in a nice, neat package to our front door. What makes it even harder are the lies we believe. The lies told us from the ultimate review troll…Satan. Here are 5 lies, I’ve seen with my own four eyes, that are believed by Christians.

If you have to work at communication, your marriage is over…

Imagine this scenario. First wife in space: Houston we have a problem…What…Never mind…What’s the problem…Nothing…Please tell us…I’m fine. 1 Peter 3:7 You husbands in the same way live with your wives in an understanding way. Healthy communication is so important. “Stop being lazy and get your fat butt up and mow the lawn” is technically communication. However, it is not healthy. That form of communication comes easy to a lot of people. We should work at how we talk to each other. It gets easier with practice, lots of practice. Don’t ever stop working at it. That’s the sign of a loving marriage.

If you need counseling, it’s too late…

Sometimes this can be the beginning of a great marriage. I recommend pre-marital counseling to anyone about to get married. Imagine this scenario

*sitting at a table*

Wife: writes a number on paper and slides it across.

Me: Crosses it out and writes a new number

*thermostat negotiations*

Don’t ever let it get that bad. Proverbs 15:22 Without consultation plans are frustrated. But with many counselors they succeed. Counseling does not have to be with a professional therapist. It is also not a sign of weakness. A good friend could work. My wife and I lean on our small group at church. You never know where wise counsel will come from. See it, embrace it, and don’t believe the lie that it is over if you need it.

 

 

Conflict means you are in a bad marriage…

This is an easy lie to believe. If you believe in God and your marriage fight for your marriage. Here is the key. If you are going to fight, fight like you are the third monkey on the ramp to Noah’s Ark, and brother/sister…it’s starting to rain. For every conflict make sure there is room for forgiveness, love, compassion, and sincerity. Conflict will happen. It is what you do after the conflict that will determine if your marriage will grow or be destroyed. Pray together. Seek God’s help, and make sure you make it onto the ark together.

Having a child will make the marriage better/stronger…

(Cut to millions of parents slowly shaking their head NO). Kids are the best, and could possibly the worst thing that can happen to your marriage. But by themselves they will not save your marriage. Only God can do that. Every day I struggle with just saying forget it, and getting their birth certificates and returning them to the hospital (for those who don’t know birth certificates are baby receipts, you can return them for store credit). You cannot, I repeat cannot, put the fate of your marriage in their tiny, clumsy hands. Psalm 127:3 says Children are a gift from the Lord. Do not place the burden on them to save your marriage. Let God save it.

Getting married completes you…

Imagine this scenario (I love scenarios by the way)

Minister: Do you promise to love him in sickness and in health

Her: I do

Minister: Till death do you part

Her: I do

Minister: Do you promise to order your OWN fries if you want them, instead of saying you DON’T want fries, then requesting a “taste” of his, and helping yourself to roughly half of them?

Her: I d—wait, what?!?

Me: Just answer the man’s question.

It starts with these vows and hopefully ends in heaven. In between, marriage does not complete you. If you remove God from the equation, you are not complete. Even if you remain married. It is supposed to bring you closer to God. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says a cord of 3 strands is not quickly broken. A marriage should be between someone who hates onions, someone who will eat that onion, and a God who created that onion.

That’s it. 5 lies people believe about Christian marriages that just aren’t true. Don’t let these lies take root and grow. Dig them up now and cast them into a fire and let God plant a tree of love and respect in your marriage. Till we get this whole thing figured out I will keep researching how to buy the perfect marriage on Amazon, with free 2-day shipping. I did however find a chicken and an egg on Amazon and I ordered both. I know what you are thinking, and I will let you know.